Our New Normal

Today was a big day. After spending 12 weeks at home with our sweet boy, I had to transition into my new role of not only a wife and a mother, but a working mom as well. As much as I wanted to stomp and kick and refuse to walk out of the door today, I had to put my big girl panties on and get back to the daily grind of work. I have dreaded this day since I found out we were pregnant, if I'm going to be honest. Don't get me wrong- I love my job. I love my career. Honestly. It is exactly what I've always wanted to do, and I'm so fortunate to be where I am, and for more reasons than the obvious "I love my job" factor. But I also dreaded falling in love with this sweet little baby, and then having to face the day where my focus would be somewhere other than looking at his precious face all day, every day.

So today, just because I need to remind myself all that I have to be thankful for, I want to document why I'm so fortunate to work where I work-

• I work with the sweetest girls in the world. Seriously. I've hit the jackpot at every job I've had since college with "work friends," but these girls are truly some of my best friends. They are so understanding, so encouraging, have prayed for me, prayed for Will, and done everything they can to help us have a smooth transition back.
• I was able to take a 12 week PAID maternity leave. Such a blessing in this economy.
• I have "normal" working hours of 8-4:30. Sure there are days here and there that will last longer than anticipated, but the majority of my working days are finished at 4:30.
• Two of my closest friends at work were pregnant with me- each of our babies were born 11 days apart from each other. It has helped tremendously to have them, knowing that we are all going through the same thing at the same time.
• We have a lactation center that employees have access to anytime, any day of the week. So if there was ever a "breastfeeding friendly" workplace, this is most certainly it.
• And the icing on the cake- we have an 8 week transitional child care center, meaning I am taking Will to work with me every day for the next two months. He is only a phone call, or better yet, a 5 minute walk away. I am able to go over there to nurse him as often as I need to, or even if I want to stop by just to get some loving from my baby- unannounced- they actually encourage that. And if that wasn't good enough, the ladies over there LOVE these babies. They are so, so sweet, and take such good care of our babies.

I'm not saying today was a cake walk. It was far from it actually. I had myself a big ol' pity party and cry session last night, and there were definitely even more tears shed today. And honestly, there may even be more shed tomorrow, and the next day. But I know, in my heart of hearts, that this is the plan the Lord has for us right now for our family. I know it is good for Will to have other caregivers than his mommy, and as much as I hate to admit it, it's good for me to have a purpose outside of changing diapers. I loved, loved, loved the time we spent together during our maternity leave, and I am SO sad that this time is over. But, as a dear friend reminded me, this is just a new chapter, and our new normal.

At my desk this morning with my brave face on, before taking Will over to the child care center.

So tonight, instead of working out, or cleaning, or fixing dinner, I'm sitting in a chair with a sleeping baby in my lap, just watching him sleep. And I'm ok with that, because this is our new normal.